Never Say Die

26/06/2007

“Never say die” is an expression that became current in the early 1800s but that is often used ironically these days. We use it to sneer at something that has already failed. It’s also an album by the heavy metal band, Black Sabbath, another iconoclastic usage. I feel this is such a pity, because it’s an adage that actually gives us outstanding advice.

If you know your goal, you’ve defined it, felt it, adopted it, then what you need on the next step to your success is perseverance. It’s sad and unnecessary to give up on your dream, yet we can be so creative at finding ways to postpone what we need to do and even to sabotage ourselves. I know; I’m a past master at it!

We need to develop good habits and it takes only a week or so of sheer willpower and discipline for a new behavior to become that magnificent ally, a good habit. What stops us? I’ve identified three things that have consistently caused me to let myself down. Maybe they stand in your way too.

First, I have this crippling idea that before I’m allowed to do what I really want to do, I have to clear the decks. I have to do everything else first, and when it’s all off my shoulders, I can start with what really matters.

Now that is bollocks. Do what really matters every day, whether the decks have been cleared or not and just see how your hopes and spirits lift, how all the stuff you have to do seems sweeter and easier because you know you will make your true goal a top priority. If you don’t have time today, you will never have time. Now that’s a sobering thought, isn’t it? If you don’t have time today, make it, somewhere. Push something else out. It is possible; it is necessary.

Secondly, I handicap myself with an over-developed sense of duty which dictates that anything anyone else needs must come first. This can be just as crippling and you will end up resenting your own apparent kindness and goodness. You will be happier and more useful to others if you put your own wants and needs right up there with those of others and a little to the front. Really.

Related to these two is my other crippling flaw: pleasing others. I will hide my deep frustration just so that my child, my boss, yes even my life coach, doesn’t have to feel my discomfort or despair. I tell them everything is fine: I can do this extra thing for them; I am making such good progress, and in the mean time my poor inner self is wretched.

I have been there and it has been bad. However, I tried again – and again – and bit by painful bit I am emancipating and empowering my authentic self. I like her and others like her too. She never said die. She said many desperate things to me in dreams and crises, but she never said die. Don’t you ever say it either. Try again.

Submitted by Melanie Steyn, lecturer, celebrated author and friend.